The Poll
by make-me-laugh-NOW
Summary: the last sob chappie sob of sobsob THEPOLL! (begins to sob histerically) WHY? OH GOD!
1. randomness

**The Poll**

**I don't own any of these characters and am only borrowing them from JKRowling to write my silly fanfic about nonsense.**

"Hey, Hermione!" called Harry as he caught up with Hermione on her way out of the Gryffindor common room. It was a sunny Saturday morning and Ron was nowhere to be found. But that didn't worry Harry. He was probably just practicing quiddich. Harry's attention was suddenly caught by a piece of parchment that was in Hermione's hand. "What's that?" Harry asked pointing to the parchment.

"It's Colin and Denis Creevey's latest poll –'What is your favourite one of Harry Potter's adventures?'"

"What? Let me see that!" Harry took one look at it and was disgusted. When would he ever be rid of the Creeveys. Harry wondered if Ron had seen it so he asked Hermione if she knew. "No, I don't think he's seen it," she replied disinterestedly.

"Well do you know where he is?" Harry asked.

"Yes I do. He should be finishing now actually, if we hurry we'll meet him on the front lawn."

As they walked down to meet Ron Harry wondered why he was so uninformed, what was going on? Hermione abruptly interrupted his dejected thoughts by bursting out, "hey, why don't we do it?"

"Do what exactly?" said Harry, suddenly interested.

"The poll dumbie! Even if it is totally uncouth. Anyway what did you think I meant?" asked Hermione suspiciously.

"Nothing," Harry said quickly and changed the subject. "What is uncouth anyway?"

"Strange, crude, even uncivilised. But do you want to do it?"

"Oh, umm, yeah, sure."

By that time they had passed through the entry hall and walked across the lawn. They sat under a shady tree by the lake while they waited for Ron.

Harry was considering which of his years at Hogwarts was his favourite when Hermione muttered, "Something wicked this way comes"

Harry looked up saying, "Que?"

Hermione gave him a funny look before commenting that Ron was approaching. "Hullo," he said as soon as he was close enough.

"Now were all together!" Hermione said happily.

"We're all one big happy family," said Harry with a grin.

"Huzza!" said Ron who was still standing.

"Habib!!" cried Harry.

Hermione was nodding in agreement when Ron suddenly collapsed onto the ground. The other two weren't worried as this had been happening fairly regularly and they knew that Ron was all right.

"SANDWICH!!!!!!" Hermione screamed.

"SANDWICH!!!!!!!!" Harry screamed back.

"Wait," said Hermione breaking off the screaming match. "Have you done your thing yet Harry?"

"No," he replied. He then asked, "Where do pigmy marmosets come from?"

"Why don't you check your maps for once!" said Hermione crossly.

"Yay!" said Ron, "I like, totally understand!"

"SANDWICH!!!!!!" screamed Harry.

"No- don't give it away, I think I understand." Said Ron concentrating.

"Huzza!" said Hermione.

"Habib!" said Harry.

"We are the strangest herd I have ever seen!" cried Hermione.

At this they all rolled around on the grass laughing merrily. Once they had finished Hermione turned to Ron and said, "Well I'm soooooooo glad you're here cookie! Like totally!" for she had suddenly turned American! Then they all started to laugh once more.

"Oi Harry!" said Ron when they had calmed down once more, "Did you see Malfoy's spanky pants stuck to the roof of the common room?"

"Yep," Harry replied, "they're up there if you want to see them Hermy."

"So funny!" said Ron laughing, "Thankyou to the kind stranger who put them up!"

Hermione was laughing hysterically and managed after several minutes and concerned looks from both Harry and Ron to say, "You're welcome!"

"Yet again, I in the lurch" said Ron sadly, "the dark, dank lurch, where no one will find me for months on end."

"Who's your favourite Prefect?" She asked tweaking Ron's nose. She then said in a regal tone, "Come forth from under yon rock Sir Weasley!"

Harry had remained quite silent for some time in utter shock. He finally said, "I'm still in the lurch."

Ron ignored him saying, "Hermione, you're a masterpiece baby!"

"Masterpiece? Oh yes, I've no doubt about that!" she replied with a wink. Then seeing Harry's rejection announced, "Let's all be in the lurch together!"

After sitting for some time in the lurch Hermione Suddenly remembered the poll she had found. "Harry," she said, "do you still have that poll that we were doing?"

"No I don't actually," said Harry thoughtfully, "I believe it flew away."

"Oh well, that's no matter. It's on the Net" And with that Hermione briskly took out her wand. "_computadorium!_" she said. By the time her wand was back in her pocket a laptop was resting on her knees.

"So it is," said Harry who was secretly planning to get that spell from Hermione. Ron was puzzled as to how the strange contraption on Hermione's knees could hold the poll.

"Harry," Hermione said, "Would you be a dear and show Ron how to access the poll while I do my hair. It's already on the net."

Before Harry could even answer Ron was standing up saying, "No, no, Ron is still in limbo-he cannot complete any form of exercise."

"It's not exercise dumbie!" Hermione said as she sat Ron down and pressed the laptop into his hands. "And anyway, it's easy."

"Ok Ron," said Harry who didn't mind teaching Ron while Hermione did her hair. "Your mission, should you chose to accepts it is to go to the webbie "www.sheroes.com". You shall receive further information when you get there."

"Nice job" Hermione commented

"Yeah. Go team!" Harry said

"By the by... this fanfic will not self destruct in 5 seconds" Hermione added as an afterthought.

"I have accepted my mission and am following through with the task," Ron said. "What is my next task oh great master-head?"

Harry, the great master-head said, "You have done well, my young apprentice."

Ron smiled, "You make me smile, oh great master-head"

"Now you must become at one with the webbie and sign up." Said Harry who had a feeling that he was a Jedi knight.

"You will go home and rethink your life..." said Hermione who had the same inkling. "The force will guide you."

"May the force be with you child." Harry said to Ron as he signed up.

"Oh great master-head," said Ron, "I have come to a stand-still." At this both Harry and Hermione sat up. Ron continued, "I have not fulfilled your greatest expectations... The webbie that I have come to is not correct. Please, please, oh great master-head, do not beat me into submission..."

"This is thy negligence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Hermione.

"DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry.

"But, but," Stammered Ron, "Oh great master-head, I have followed every direction of your highness correctly and obediently.... I do not see where I could have gone wrong..."

"Me neither." Said Harry truthfully.

"Hmm..." said Hermione "Lets think, think, thiiiiiink! Because when we use our minds, take a step at a time, we can do anything that we wanna do! Yeah!"

"BLUES CLUES" screamed Ron who had seen it on the 'TV' at Hermione's house the previous summer.

"Hermione," said Harry "You partook in this not long ago; perhaps you could help out our young Ron."

"Huzza!" cried Hermione.

"Habib!" cried Harry.

"Oh great master-head and his astounding accomplice, what have I done? Can you ever forgive such a degree of negligence?" said Ron almost in tears.

"INDEED! WHY AM I SCREAMING!?!?!?" Hermione shouted at the top of her lungs.

"You are screaming," said Harry "Because the author accidentally hit the 'Caps Lock' button on her keyboard"

"Ok," said Hermione "Well thankyou to the author for turning it off again." Turning back to Ron Hermione said, "Ok child...you must go to www.sheroescentral.com …forgiveness is granted."

"Me too," commented Harry.

"Why, thankyou oh great master-head and his astounding accomplice!" said Ron with a munted bow as both he and the other two were still sitting by the lake.

"You are most welcome," said Hermione.

"Me too," said Harry

"Now... Harry, you fool of a Took! You didn't put the central in!!!!!!!!!" said Hermione.

"Me too"

"Stop saying that!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Me too," said Harry "Sorry, reflex action."

Hermione scowled at him but said no more. They all sat in silence for a short time with only the soft tapping and clicking of the laptop before Ron cried out, "Oh no, I must flee

too much talk, not enough action!"

"Fly you fool!" Harry said.

"I did enjoy our role play thing though." Ron added as an afterthought.

"We did role play?" Harry asked sounding confused.

"Why must it end??!!" said Hermione the she burst out, "Did you get in?"

"Yeah did you? Asked Harry," asked Harry.

"I am at the website, but I am not in," said Ron quickly logging out, "I will be back in less than an hour."

"Shame, said Harry," said Harry.

"I might not be here then but just so you know... OH MY GOD!!! She has started doing her own narration!" screamed Hermione in fear.

"NOOO, I'M DOING MY OWN NARRATIONS!! screamed Harry" screamed Harry.

"Right," said Ron.

"RON!!" cried Hermione.

"Talk to you later," said Ron

"wait!"

"Bye!!!!!" screamed Ron "got to go! SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Bye said Harry" said Harry.

"You must sign up at the webbie then look for the latest poll by steph_is _laughing, and then you must do the poll! Don't forget me!!!!!! BYE!" Hermione screamed.

"See ya!" said Harry who had stopped doing hi own narration.

"Bye!!!" said Ron.

"In the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings section!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hermione called to Ron's retreating back, but it was too late. "Nnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried falling to her knees and sobbing. "Eh," she said, getting up, "I'll just send him an email..."****

"There there, said Hermione" said Harry patting Hermione on the back.

"I didn't say that!" Hermione exclaimed.

Then Harry's voice turned airy and he said, "Hermione's Thoughts: I actually did but he didn't need to know that."

Hermione then set the record straight, "Hermione's REAL thoughts: it was then that I realized what a weirdo my friend Harry was. SANDWICH!!!!!!"

"Harry's thoughts; it was then that I realised that in the past five minutes this had all become strangely like 'Deltora Humour', and I had this weird craving for a SANDWICH!!!"

"Hermione's REAL thoughts: where was that shadowy fella? He has my belt?"

"Harry's REAL thoughts: just because he's different!"

"Hermione's REAL thoughts: and where did sailor moon go?"

"Harry reads thoughts; we must call him… fire, wind, water…"

"Hermione's Real thoughts: can Harry read my mind?"

"…Earth…"

"Fart!"

"SANDWICH!!!!"

"Hermione's REAL thoughts: I think I'll turn this conversation into an epic tale..."

"Harry's REAL thoughts: I had just realised how good an idea that was, I must kill her and steal the idea!"

"Wait! I don't deserve to die!!!!!!!!"

"Are you really going to make it an epic tale?" Harry asked Hermione, "Did you read my thoughts?"

"Yes and no," she replied, "And you shall be called 'Dxsjlkojzx'... according to Crookshanks! In my epic tale that is."

With a warm smile Harry replied, "Then you shall be called..."

"Get Hedwig!"

"Harry's REAL thoughts: it was at that moment I realised I didn't have a cat."

"Get Hedwig!!!"

"I'll just drop stuff on the key board," said Harry. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Your name is...Sdfmbnnbjhx!" Harry proudly announced.

"Huzza!!!" said Hermione

"Habib!" cried Harry

"And," said Hermione "Ron's name shall be....drum roll...Dijoeoi!"

"Yay!"

"By the by, I think I permanently damaged my keyboard! Huzza!"

"Habib!"

"would you like to go back up to the common room?" Hermione inquired for they had been on the lawn for some time and had consequently missed both breakfast and lunch. Dinner was still in a few hours so they would have to wait.

"Well," said Harry, "we could get a snack from the kitchens. What do you say?"

"Sounds good!" Hermione replied, wistfully thinking of food. And with that they both got up and walked back to the castle.

The End

By the by: 'The Poll' actually does exist. Just follow the master-head's astounding accomplice's instructions. It is called 'What is Your Fave Harry Potter Book?'  Plz vote


	2. of eating and dancing

The Poll.                                                                                                      Chapter Two   

**I do not own Harry Potter or his friends or ANYONE at Hogwarts, J.K.Rowling does, I am only borrowing them for the amusement of myself and my friends and possibly other people I don't know. **

Of eating and dancing.

            Harry and Hermione wound their way through the empty corridors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry each carrying a bundle of food, Dobby had been more than eager to feed them. They were on their way to the common room even though most of the students were outside enjoying the last rays of sun before dinner. Ron had disappeared but they weren't worried, he was bound to turn up at some point. 

            Just then an egg, that Harry was trying to balance between his salt-container and his ice-cream fell to the ground and, with an ominous crack, smashed into a million pieces lanced together with goop. Hermione gave a sharp intake of breath as she stared at the egg in horror, filch would have their necks if they were caught. But Harry had forgotten about the egg, Malfoy had just entered the fanfic!

            He stood leaning on a door-frame, smirk plastered onto his pale face, flanked by Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise Zabini who is a random that only seems to appear in fanfics... 

            Anyway, Hermione kept walking but Harry stopped dead. For a second he had sworn that Malfoy was Christina Aguilera, be blinked and then saw Malfoy again, smirking. He carefully placed all that was in his arms on to a nearby table and strode up to Malfoy. Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise all parted before him. Then before anyone knew what was happening Harry and Draco were doing the tango in the entrance hall. Hermione, who had also put down her food, started a lively tune with a flick of her wand. 

            Before long the whole school were watching and cheering as Harry and Malfoy did the tango. Then with a final turn they ended, cheers erupted as the music died away. The two dancers were both laughing merrily, and the slowly the cheers turned into laughs and not much after that the whole of Hogwarts (teachers included!) were rolling on the floor cacking themselves. 

            Harry, Ron (who had turned up earlier) and Hermione were inconspicuously making their way back up to the common room. Unknown to them they had a mysterious follower….

Who is this shady character? What will happen in the Gryffindor common room? Well don't ask me because firstly I'm insane and secondly you have to wait until the next chapter! Muhahahahaha! I have ultimate power!!!!!

If you do actually read this please review so the I feel special enough to do another chapter!


	3. the mysterious follower revealed!

The Poll.                                                                                                    Chapter Three   

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything in this story in this story (save myself, my friend and my dream) they are borrowed purely for entertainment purposes. I also don't own the coca-cola company but that is a different story…Does anyone have anything random I can write in the next disclaimer?**

^~^ The Mysterious Follower Revealed! ^~^

Harry Ron and Hermione were the only ones in the common room. Everyone else was still laughing hysterically in the entrance hall. "Well," said Hermione, "that was odd." Harry and Ron nodded in agreement.

            Harry, working out how exactly to tell Ron and Hermione what was on his mind was suddenly saved the trouble when Ron said, "Hey Harry, why don't you change you name for the author's benefit?"

            "You can actually think?" Hermione asked, bewildered.

            "No," Ron replied, "but the author noticed I hadn't said much and that if I didn't say something soon her friend would get annoyed, apparently her friend is obsessed with my character and Rupert Grint, but anyway it is the author's amazing works, not mine." Ron looked slightly sad then realised something which made him happy, "But I can levitate! Huzza!"

*canned laughter for no apparent reason*

"Yeah," said Harry, "I think I'll call myself David so that the author can write in a much easier form--" David stopped for a certain mysterious follower had just entered the room.

"Hello!" the mystery man said, "I am Orlando Bloom." and with this he threw back his hood revealing his manly fine features that so often unsettle women folk.

*author drools, swoons and faints onto the keybouaaaafgykegdsffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffdaiea sorry, I fainted.*

D: how can we help you?

O: I am looking for Steph, I have prayed for the day when fate would bring us together but I can wait no longer. I must find her, do you know where I may find her, for no-one else has ever made me feel this way. I must meet her.

H: you do know she's absolutely mad don't you?

O: that, Hermione, is why I love her.

R: what if she doesn't love you?

O: I think she does… she sent me this card.

*hands over card and the other three look at it*

H: wow that is random.

O: I know. *goes into dream land*

H: I wish someone loved me so much that it wouldn't matter if I was the most random person in the world even though I'm not.

R: Hem hem, I do.

H: Really?

R: yep.

H: oh Ron! *runs into his arms*

R: Hermione! *picks her up and carries her off to the boys dormitories.*

D: finally, that only took about five years. Hey now that Hermione's gone I can change my name from David back to Harry! Huzza!!

O: that's nice, but where can I find Steph?

H formerly known as D: Oh that's easy enough, she is sitting at her computer painting her nails and typing this story. She lives in Perth, Western Australia.

O: thanks Harry, and with me I shall take the entire cast from the lord of the rings trilogy!

H: good on you!

O: I must fly!* runs out of common room*

Harry sat for some time by the fire, contemplating what had just happened, it was then that he heard a tapping at the window.

H: Hedwig!

Hedwig flew into the common room and dropped the letter on Harry's lap then landed on a nearby table. Harry opened the letter. It read:

Dear Harry Potter,

You and your significant other are cordially invited to attend the fictional heroes conference at the new Perth convention centre in Australia. It will be held in precisely one hour. We look forward to seeing you there.

Regards,

Steph.

The author of this fanfic. 

Harry re-read the letter several times before burning it. Seeing the flames devour the letter Hedwig decides she is a phoenix and burst into flames, Then emerged from the ashes. Harry raced up to the dormitories to fetch Ron and Hermione who were playing strip poker, both were down to their underpants and had drunk to much fire whisky (which they got from the leaky cauldron in the hols). Harry quickly dressed them and changed his name to Mark.

M: we have to ride the thestrals to Australia.

R: I don't like them

H: they're icky!

M: but we have to be at this conference in an hour!!!

R & H: bah!!!!!

M: I'll take that as a yes.

And with that they all ran to the forbidden forest, through empty corridors and with difficulty through the entrance hall (which was still full of everyone rolling on the floor laughing). Before they knew it all three of them were riding the thestrals over the seas at great speed, heading for the great southern land.

What will happen at this absurd conference? Will Mark/Harry, Ron and Hermione make it in time? Who will be at the conference? Did I really write a birthday card to Orlando Bloom? Was my dream really like this? Am I eating popcorn?

Look out for the next instalment of The Poll to find out!

By the by: the next one will be better, and sorry the other one was a bit short. Please review! PLEASE!!!!!!!


	4. The Amazingly Incongruous Conference run...

The Poll.                                                                                                      Chapter Four   

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I STILL do not own the coca-cola company. Curse them and their lawyers! Why must coke be so sweet?? (Sobs hysterically) I also did not come up with the characters from Harry Potter (JK did) LotR (Tolkien did) or from anywhere in Emelan or Tortall (Tammy did) or anyone from Deltora (Emily did) OR anyone from the Artemis Fowl trilogy (that dude did), I am not a genius like they all are. I don't own my friend Amalie or my cousin Anita either. The only things I own are the idea for this fanfic, a ham and cheese pizza pocket and some Palmolive shower gel. Oh and a care bears badge…**

Note: Harry is still called Mark.

New characters:

            Steph (the most high random)

            Amalie (the amazing icing)

            Anita (weed-rat- rotisserie style)

            Legolas (manly-fine elf droolfest)

            Aragorn (rugged king dude)

            Gimli (small dwarf person dude?)

            Frodo (why is he in here I don't even like him… he won't say anything, he'll just sit there… HA! How do you like that _ring bearer_! There I said it… flame me if you will all you Frodo lovers… bring it ON!!!!)

            Sam Gamgee (POTATOES!! He is the real hero! Go the fat hobbitses!!!)

            Merry (enough said)

            Pippin (get your finger out of Orli's belly button!!!!!!!)

            Gandalf (you probably won't say anything either, I just felt I couldn't leave you out.)

            Alanna (crazy wranga [how do you spell that word?!?!] who is cool)

            George (the rouge)

            Jon (king person who is sometimes retarded)

            Daine (wildmage who deals in wild magic)

            Numair (very tall person who has A LOT of magic)

            Kel (body like stone, mind like meat loaf, oh I meant stone lady knight)

            Neal (random meathead who heals)

            Aly (a laurin spy)

            Nawat (grub-eating-arrow-fletching-crow-man)

            Briar (mini tree man)

            Sandry (weaving woman)

            Daja (metal hand chick)

            Tris (channel seven weather girl)

            Leif (crazy king belt person)

            Jasmine (crazy wild hippie person)

            Barda (crazy guard butch warrior person)

            Holly Short (random Wranga [I still don't know about that] fairy)

            Artemis (due to hit puberty soon)

            Butler (butch biatch)

            Foaly (random centaur)

            Commander Julius Root (beetroot?)

            TOO MANY PEOPLE!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The Amazingly Incongruous Conference run by The Do-Gooders who do good in an absurd way.

I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU AQUA SC—oh wait…yep, it's gone. Back to the story which hasn't even started…

R: are we there yet?

M: no

H: are we there yet?

M: no

R: are we there yet?

M: trust me; you'll know when we get there.

            NOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!! WHY MUST YOU PLAGUE M—hold up… ok… on we go…no wait, must get drink… all righty, let's get this show on the road (I promise never to do this again) Ok, they are at the convention…

M: that wasn't too long, was it now?

*H & R grumble whilst rubbing hind-quarters*

*Mark reads nearby sign*

M: right, we have to go to level three, room nine

Level three, room nine, the room of randomness.

Merry/Pippin (who for this story will say everything in unison): can we start?

Me (Steph): no

Merry/Pippin: why not?

Me: because we need the Harry Potter trio to have everyone here and you all need to be here.

Briar: do they have the booze?

Me: no, I do and it's my own!!!!!! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!

Anita: Steph, you don't have any alcohol… sorry everyone, (says in audible whisper) she's insane.

Me: no I'm not!!! I know I'm not! I know I'm not!!!

Anita: see what I mean?

Everyone else: murmurs agreement.

Elevator

M: will you guys stop having sex in the back of the elevator?

R: oh yeah, sorry mate.

H: sorry Harry.

M: I don't really care, I mean five years, but were here so…

H: right.

R: lets go.

The Room of Randomness

Neal: why are they late? They're late! We're all going to die!!!!!!!!!! (Turns into a daffodil and runs screaming into wall and is knocked un-conscious)

Amalie: they're not actually late; you people were just all exceedingly early.

Daine: I think they're coming.

Aragorn: look! Yonder! (Points to door)

~enter Mark/Harry Ron and Hermione~

M: I shall now change my name back to Harry!

Everyone: Huzza!

Harry: Habib!

Leif: SANDWICH!!!!!

Artemis: Now what?

What will happen next? Does my dog really try to eat his own feet? Am I really mad enough to put all these people into ane fanfic? Is Legolas really really hot in return of the king movie or what??? Is rib-eye about $30 a kilo??

Find out in the next instalment of 'The Poll'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Lets All Go Eat Some HogPlums, Monkey Po...

The Poll.                                                                                                      Chapter Five   

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! I am poor! I don't even own a pizza pocket anymore!!!! But I don't care, I'll be happy once I get Orli… Amalie, he is supposed to be here by now!!!!!! Eh, what's the use… (jumps into the fires of mount doom but gets caught by Frodo who is dangling off a rock shelf, Sam pulls us both up and we are all saved by Gandalf and the eagles [and that means Ben Cousins too!!! *drools*]… wake up with Leggy/ Orli/ Will Turner/ ****Paris**** [in ****Troy****]/ Joe/ OMG droolfest to the max!!!! at my bed side who says, "my love, you have awoken at last! Long have I searched for you, long have I yearned to look upon your beautiful face…" he begins to drool, hence I begin to drool, hence we realized each others randomness, hence he dumps Kate Bosworth, hence we get married, hence we both live happily ever after…did I just type that/scream that at the top of my lungs? I am on a laptop on the bus you know so that could be a problem…hmmmmmmm) oh yeah, my idea, other peoples characters and songs.**

Characters:

            Steph (me [the most high random])

            Amalie (my friend [the amazing icing])

            Anita (my cousin [weed-rat- rotisserie style])

            Legolas (manly-fine elf droolfest)

            Aragorn (rugged king dude)

            Gimli (small dwarf person dude?)

            Frodo (why is he in here I don't even like him… he won't say anything, he'll just sit there… HA! How do you like that _ring bearer_! There I said it… flame me if you will all you Frodo lovers… bring it ON!!!!)

            Sam Gamgee (POTATOES!! He is the real hero! Go the fat hobbitses!!!)

            Merry (enough said)

            Pippin (get your finger out of Orli's belly button!!!!!!!)

            Gandalf (you probably won't say anything either, I just felt I couldn't leave you out.)

            Alanna (crazy wranga [how do you spell that word?!?!] who is cool)

            George (the rouge)

            Jon (king person who is sometimes retarded. Ugh, like in WWRLAM!! I hate him in that book!!! ARGHH!!!!)

            Daine (magelet who deals in wild magic)

            Numair (very tall person who has A LOT of magic)

            Kel (body like stone, mind like meat loaf, oh I meant stone lady knight)

            Neal (random meathead who heals)

            Aly (a laurin spy)

            Nawat (grub-eating-arrow-fletching-crow-man)

            Briar (mini tree man)

            Sandry (weaving woman)

            Daja (metal hand chick)

            Tris (channel seven weather girl)

            Leif (crazy king belt person)

            Jasmine (crazy wild hippie person)

            Barda (crazy guard butch warrior person)

            Holly Short (random Wranga [I still don't know about that] fairy)

            Artemis (due to hit puberty soon)

            Butler (butch biatch)

            Foaly (random centaur)

            Commander Julius Root (beetroot?)

You know there are just so many; I find it hard to keep track of them all! Ahaha!

Lets All Go Eat Some Hog-Plums, Monkey Pots and Pompelmooses! Hurray for the Random Fruit!

Briar: ok what's with the chimp eating the bug?

Anita: What chimp, what bug?!? They plot to kill us! DIED EDIE (ßspell check for DIE x 3)!!!!!(Charges at briar but gets restrained by Steph.)

Steph: I think what Briar meant to say was, "What's with the tittle." Am I right? (briar nods) well in that case never shall you mind. All you need to do is eat them, they are being passed around right now. Everyone take one of each. While that is happening I want Legolas and Ron to come up here.

(Leggy and Ron make their way to the podium; Anita pulls Faramir out of her pocket)          

F, L, and R: it feels like somethin's heatin' up, can I leave wit chu?

A, A and S: I don't know what I'm thinkin' 'bout, really leavin with you.

Steph: okies, Ron you go with Amalie, Farry goes with Anita and Leggy, you're comin' with me!

R/F/L: right

Steph: the rest of you stay here, we shouldn't be too long.

(S, A, A, R, L, and F all walk through side door and out of room nine.)

Some time later in the room of randomness

(All are sitting either daydreaming or doing nothing… bored shitless!)

Alanna: well, isn't this the most fun I've ever had in my life!

(Doors burst open; enter Orlando Bloom)

Orli: Where is my beloved Steph???

Dory (who is a random fish who is only here to say this line that is similar to one she says in finding nemo.): she went through that door not too long ago.

Orli: thanks. (Runs to door and steps into the unknown)

Some room near room nine

Steph: oh Leggy!

Legolas: oh Steph!

Orli: oh my God! Long have I searched for you, and now to have finally found you with this, this impostor!

Steph: it's not what you think!

Orli: oh yeah, that's what they always say!

Steph: no, really, it isn't.

Orli: huh?

Steph: it's Legolas! So… I'm not really with an impostor if you get me…           

Orli: hmmmmm…

Leggy: I can go if you want, and you can take over. I don't really mind, it's not like it would have worked, I mean I'm immortal and she isn't. You know? You on the other hand are mortal so…

Orli: sold.

(Leggy climbs out of the bed and Orli hops in)

Steph: huzza!

Orli: Habib!

Back in the room of randomness

Leif: SANDWICH!!!!

Daja: say wha?

Leif: impulse.

Daja: oh.

(Enter Leggy through side door.)

Kel: where is the love?

Leggy: not in here.

Foaly: meh…

(More boredom until…)

Ron: hello, hello, hello, what's all this?

(Enter Ron looking tousled [shirt half tucked, tie backwards, messy hair, a bit dazed] and Amalie looking happy and smug)

Hermy (running towards them): Ron! How could you?!?!

Ron: Oblif was very, very, very persuasive.

Hermy: does five years mean NOTHING to you????

Ron: sorry?

Hermy: all I want is a little respect! R E S P E C T! find out what it means to me!

Ron: right, but Oblif's my reason for reason.      She's got the kinda lovin that could be so smooth (turning to Amalie) give me your heart, make it real then Hermy can forget about it!

Hermy: ugh!

Amalie: meh!

Some time after that.

(Enter Steph, Orli, Anita and Farry.)

Steph: ok, shall we begin?

Jasmine: please!

Steph: all right, don't get you knickers in a knot, or if you don't wear knickers your loincloth or whatever. Anyway, first things first, we all need to be hyperactive so that this can be random so lets all eat our random fruit which I've decided isn't going to be fruit anymore but we will each eat 1 billion sugar cubes! Muhuhaha!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, then we will begin rockin the suburbs…right, anyhow. LETS ALL HEAD BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(All head bang for about 10 min then eat their sugar cubes and run around with kettles on their heads singing.)

All (singing):   DANCE!

                        Nothing left for me to do but,

                        DANCE!

                        All these bad times I'm going through just,

                        DANCE!

                        Got Canned Heat in my heels tonight baby!

                        You know I've got Canned Heat in my heels!

                        You know this boogie is for real…

Commander Julius Root: you know for some illogical reason I feel like a beetroot. Not to eat but I actually feel like I'm turning into one.

Then they all realized that he was in fact a beetroot!

~cue canned laughter~

Pippin/Merry: why don't we all watch a feel good movie then slash our wrists!

Amalie: or while we're on the topic lets read a slash fanfic!

Aragorn: nah lets have a diving contest like that sum 41 video clip (singing) 

^the faster we're falling, we're stopping and stalling, we're running in circles again…maybe we're just trying too hard, when really it's closer than it is too far, coz I'm in too deep and I'm drawn to keep I don't know the rest of the words lalala!^

You know the one!

Jon (turning to Alanna): yay it'll be just like when we were pages except we won't be naked and even you might swim!

Alanna: In that case lets not.

Anita: I think Leggy and Captain Short have decided what they want to do.

(Everybody turns to the immortal pair who are making out on the floor)

Gimli: why don't we go slay some filthy orcs?

Amalie: no then heaven would be missing some angels, wait, no, they already are missing one angel child, coz you're here with me right now (then turning to Ron) your love is heavenly babe, heavenly to me babe, your kiss, mwa, filled with tenderness, I want all I can get, of your sexiness.

(Ron and Amalie passionately embrace and then start making out on the floor next to Leggy and Holly.)

Frodo: Or... we coul—

(Gets tackled by Steph who then gets up and starts to kick him viciously.)

Steph: I HATE YOU!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! DAMN BITCH! THE RING IS MINE? WHAT IS THAT? ARE YOU MENTALLY STUFFED OR WHAT?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!! SHUT UP! SAY MI NAME YOU GAY HEAD!!! BLOODY DICK-SMACK GOLLUM LOVER WANKER!!! THEN TAKING ALL THE CREDIT FOR GOOD LOVABLE SAM'S WORK!!! I HATE YOU DON'T EVER SAY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!!! YOU HEAR ME??????? ARGH!!!!!!!! POOR SAM! YOU DO NOTHING FOR HIM AND HE WOULD GIVE HIS MC-FUCK-A-DUCKING LIFE FOR YOU, YOU ASS NOSE SHIT HAIR SHIRELING BITC—

Sam: NO! Mr. Frodo! You leave Mr. Frodo alone! You monster!

Steph I'm not the monster! He is! What has he ever done for you? Hey?

Sam: well—

Steph: exactly nothing!!! I said at the start that he would never speak and did he heed me? NO!!! He is the _ring_ _bearer_! He heeds no warnings!!! Little shit now he's gone and got himself almost killed! Serves him right I say! Heeds no warnings humph…

Frodo: mtdhassssssejhfewqhj;gkad;iufwEterpoutelkrjg,sdkjhglkres

Steph: why you—

Sam: he's not talking!

Steph: hmmm. I'm sorry Sam, I'm not mad at you. I think you're the best guy! I just hate Frodo soooooo much mmm rrr *snort* I need to go wash something. What the hell am I talking about? (Grabs pillow and screams into it) ok I'm ok. Right. Where were we?

Anita: we were deciding what to do. I personally wanna heal I wanna feel what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long…

Daine: erase all the pain till it's gone.

Anita: I wanna heal I wanna feel like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong.

Sandry: really?

Anita: no, not really, I can't back that up. But I do actually think that the sugar has worn off a bit so we should have some more.

Artemis: what a great idea! Now why didn't I think of that?

Steph: I don't think we'll ever find out…

Barda: why not?

Steph: listen up big guy I got three reasons why you should believe me:

              One; I can spell croissant.

              Two; look what I can do. (Does a hand stand with one arm and then does a press up sorta thing.)

Barda: what has that got to do with the price of rump steak?

Numair: wait a minute; she's got a point there.

Anita: anyway let's get some more sugar!!!

All except for Frodo who can't talk and the people who are too busy making out: right!

Will they ever get more sugar? Was I listening to my mix cd thing and is that where all these random songs came from? Does Frodo (I HATE HIM!!!!) need to be hospitalised? Will they actually do something after they get their sugar? Who knows? I don't at the moment so don't ask! Ahaha! Well I actually do but I won't tell you anyway! Muhuhaha! Will Harry get a letter saying that he needs to go urgently back to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore and then walk into his office which will be dimly lit with lilting tunes playing? NO!!! Because I'm not writing about that story! Ha! If you are sick enough to want to read that go hassle Amalie! Hoo-ha! Will Frodo get mercilessly decapitated by aggravated, mutated sea bass with frickin laser beams attached to their heads? YES! Because I hate him! Will I ever write the next instalment?

Find out in the next instalment of The Poll!

By the by: Frodo did not need first aid or to be hospitalised, he just had a few bruises. Which I am now going to go poke so as to inflict more pain on him! Muhuhaha!


	6. SUGAR HUNT! Well, Not Really, Lets Say T...

The Poll.                                                                                                        Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: good news everybody! I actually own something! [Thanks to Amalie! ;) ] I own our tutor group notice board! Huzza! And I also own this idea! So take that you dumb fat stupid coke lawyers! Ha! You know, why do we have to have this, I mean, you would think that people would know that it's not someone like JK writing as she does good at it, whersa me is not nice? Isa tht write, anyway, I'm over that retarded phase…hem hem…ok…**

Characters:

            Steph (why won't people just leave me in peace to write this dumb think??? Everyone just keeps barging in and rattling around! Ugh! And then, just, ugh! I am stone…)

            Amalie (curse you second-floor scum!!!! Don't you hate those damn biatch stairs?)

            Anita (come over soon!!!!!!!!!!! I think you might have my silver ring…)

Legolas (droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool…)

            Aragorn (some random 80 year old who looks about 30 ish)

            Gimli (42 in the battle of helms deep!)

            Frodo (DIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

            Sam Gamgee (you don't need that gay 'Mr. Frodo'!)

            Merry (random fruit)

            Pippin (another random fruit)

            Gandalf (meh)

            Alanna (age and treachery!)

            George (he's never getting his hands on my ear!)

            Jon (I don't like him that much…)

            Daine (daughter of Weiryn, some random who runs around in his undies and has antlers.)

            Numair (how old do you reckon he is?)

            Kel (youth and skill!)

            Neal (a daffodil)

            Aly (chick)

            Nawat (grub-eating-arrow-fletching-crow-man)

            Briar (his hobbies include growing moss and doing stuff…)

            Sandry (do you reckon she'll end up with Briar? I do!)

            Daja (have you ever noticed how she always ends up naked?)

            Tris (she controls the weather!)

            Leif (random)

            Jasmine (random)

            Barda (random)

            Holly Short (LEP officer.)

            Artemis (boy named like a chick… interesting…)

            Butler (tank)

            Foaly (lets all wear foil hats! Huzza!)

            Commander Julius Root (beetroot!!!!!)

Meh.

SUGAR HUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, Not Really, Lets Say They Already Have Their Sugar.

Harry: hey, I wonder what's happening at the Dark Lords conference. Obviously they wouldn't be running around screaming about worms and mushrooms like we are.

Tris: yeah, what would they be doing?

The Dark Lords conference.

All are sitting in a circle doing nothing. Not a sound. Tumble-weed. Sitting in between Sauron and Voldemort is James the gay head camp leader who is wearing his insanely tight harness that even Ms Jones laughed at! Ha! He's all fidgety and scared… serves him right for being a loser! That's about it... boy, I really hope he doesn't read this… meh!

The Room of Randomness.

(Amalie + Ron and Leggy + Holly had stooped making out.)

Amalie: suck ass you gay head James!

Steph: I reckon!

Amalie: HA!

Steph: HA!

Holly: moving along…

Anita: did we ever decide on what to do?

Nawat: nup!

Steph: I'm going to have a shower then go to bed because in any second now my mum is going to come in and tell me the time and tap her wrist and all that jazz so then I'll razzle-dazzle her and slip into the shower and then shave my legs and then cleanse and tone and shtuff. Then I will inconspicuously make my way back to my room and then pretend to sleep but actually read my book because it's LotR and obviously unputdownable. And then I shall wake up and then go to school and come back tomorrow night or something. Bye. 

(Collapses onto floor as the character is inactive and the author really is going to bed. Everybody else collapses as well as they also are inactive.)   

The next day at quarter past eight.

(Everybody wakes up and resumes what they were doing before)

Steph: sorry false alarm… CSI Miami is gonna be on so and I have to have a shower before that so…

(Everybody collapses again and I go have a shower.)

That Sunday at about 4-ish

(Everybody wakes up and resumes what they were doing before)

Steph: right, sorry everyone, school started this week so I've actually had to do stuff.

Everyone else other that Frodo: we understand.

Orli to Steph: Would you like a nectarine my love?

Steph: Yes, thankyou baby.

Amalie: you know you two are truly going to make it. You know you look at a couple and you can just tell. Like Donald and Ivana, and Woody and Mia, and Bert and Lany.

Steph: Thankyou.

Amalie: that's all right because its ladies night and the feelings right oh yes its ladies night! Oh what a night!

Leif: That ain't no sock in my crotch!

Everybody laughs merrily.

Hermione: do you people want to hear my song? I just wrote it then.

Anita: sure

Harry: whatever.

Gimli son of Gloin: let's hear it!

Hermione: guitarios electricos! Ok, here goes.

You don't know how much I need you,

When you're near me I don't feel blue,

And when we kiss I know you need me too.

I can't believe I've found a love that's so pure and true.

BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT! 

IT WAS A GOD DAMN JOKE!

AND WHEN I THINK OF YOU RONALD I HOPE YOU FUCKING CHOKE!!

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me,

I lay in bed, all day long, feeling melancholy,

Tears running constantly.

WONT SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!

SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!

I'M ON MY KNEES,

PRETTY, PRETTY PLEASE,

KILL ME!

I WANT TO DIE!

PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD!

(Starts to cry)

Foaly: scary.

Jon: she's losing her mind!

Anita: mhmm.

Steph: hey, I know what we can do!

Everyone: What?

Steph: we can go raid the Dark Lords Conference and kill them all!

Amalie: I bags James!

Harry: I have dibs on Voldemort!

Alanna: DUKE ROGER IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Anita: let's roll!

The Dark Lords Conference

James: so…

~In storm the randoms from the heroes' conference in a jealous rage, and they kept on screaming, "you been screwing the milk man!" and then um hem hem~

Amalie: DIE JAMES DIE!!!!!!

Alanna: CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!!!!!!!!

Lots of bloodshed and shtuff and no dark lords survive. The randoms go back to their room of randomness.

Kel: that was satisfying.

Amalie: vicious yet strangely addictive.

(OMG Amalie! Martin said that on the Simpsons!! I cacked myself!!!)

Steph: Upload time!          

Will there be any new dark lords to defeat? Will Hermione get over Ron?          Will Frodo ever talk again? Will I be buggered after ballet tomorrow?  Will I ever think of something random to put into the next chappie? Will it ever take Amalie less than 5 minutes to realise what "chappie is short for?

Find out in the next instalment of The Poll


	7. Have you noticed how the titles seem to ...

The Poll.                                                                                                        Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: this shall be the last ever poll where we will see what becomes of all the characters that I do not own. Point of information, I made purple cupcakes. Don't mention the war…**

New Characters:

            Elle-Mae (everyone wants to mae-woinar, mae-woinar, mae-woinar)

            Rory (I better get some good photos)

            Kate Bosworth (she must die)            

Why didn't I put these people in before:

            Harry (return to Hogwarts)

            Hermione (die an old maid)

            Ron (console Amalie)

Old Farts:

            Steph (sob… sniff… final chappie… *starts to cry hysterically*)

            Amalie (also starts to sob)

            Anita (isn't really affected by the fact that it's the last chappie)

Orli (he comes with me!)

Legolas (so does he)

            Aragorn (he can stay with Arwen)

            Gimli (you can stay in the caverns of helms deep)

            Frodo (obviously he will… DIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

            Sam Gamgee (he goes to Rosie what's-he-face)

            Merry (becomes a random fruit)

            Pippin (also becomes a random fruit)

            Gandalf (I don't know)

            Alanna (goes home)

            George (goes home with Alanna)

            Jon (don't care)

            Daine (looks after her new bubba)

            Numair (helps Daine with the bubba)

            Kel (goes to Dom)

            Neal (remains a daffodil)

            Aly (goes to finish her wager)

            Nawat (goes to fletch some arrows and keep Aly company)

            Briar (goes to winding circle)

            Sandry (" ")

            Daja (" ")

            Tris (" ")

            Leif (stays a random)

            Jasmine (stays a random)

            Barda (stays a random)

            Holly Short (goes back to the LE)

            Artemis (Is brainwashed)

            Butler (" ")

            Foaly (goes with Holly)

            Commander Julius Root (remains a beetroot!!!!!)

Meh.

Have you noticed how the titles seem to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger?...

(Enter Kate Bosworth)

Kate Bosworth: who's up for some baked banana cheesecake?

Anita: (gasps) the thing that must not be named!!!!

(Meanwhile I lunge at her)

Steph: DIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!!

Kate Bosworth: Wha?

( I kill her and everybody cheers)

Anita: HUZZA!

Amalie: HABIB!

Leif: SANDWICH!!

Neal/Daffodil: why did you do that???

Leif: it was my que…

Neal/Daffodil: what kind of a reason is that?

Leif: are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

Neal/Daffodil: so what if I drink Vodka??

Leif: What does my cat have to do with this?

Neal/Daffodil: let me get this straight, you-Mr. Bin- are accusing me-Miss Quoka- of eating a single plum floating in perfume in a mans hat?

Leif: If the printer has a midlife crisis!

Neal/Daffodil: say that again!

Leif: If the printer has a midlife crisis!

Neal/Daffodil: That's it! You and me! Right here in 2.5 minutes!

Leif: I wont be there!

2.5 mins later

Leif: you ready to build a snowman?

Neal/Daffodil: let the shoosting begin!

(weird he-man-bitch-slap fight starts between Leif and Neal/Daffodil)

Sam: Go Daffodil man!!

Foaly: Go team Random!!

Hermione: who's on that team?

Foaly: I don't know…

Pippin: MUSHROOMS, I GOT MUSHROOMS! COME GET YOUR MUSHROOMS!

Merry: I'll have some thanks

Pippin: that'll be $1 thanks.

Merry: here you go. (hands over money and receives his fresh mushrooms) thank you sir!

Pippin: you're welcome sir.

(fight continues until people get bored and wander away in search of other more interesting things)

Neal/Daffodil: finally, we are left in peace.

Leif: yes finally my love

Neal/Daffodil: let us leave this place.

Leif: yes, let us.

(Walk out hand in had murmuring compliments to each other, and that was the last that anyone ever saw of them again. Phew, two down, thirty-five more to go)

(enter Elle-Mae and Rory)

Elle: Steph I just came to tell you that Rory and I are going out.

Steph: tops

Elle: ciao!

Steph: see ya Mae!

(Exit Elle-Mae and Rory, thirty-three)

Alanna: Yada, yada, yada…

Ron: now what?

Everyone: hmmmmmm

(Enter Tamora Pierce)

Tammy: my children.

Alanna: Goddess (falls to knees in front of Tammy who for some reason looks like the great mother goddess)

Tammy: ok lets go.

(exit Tammy and every Tammy book character, phew only  20, I think…)

Pippin: can we go now?

Steph: meh…

(exit all LOTR characters except for Frodo, only 12 left!!!)

Frodo: _some inaudible sound_.

Steph: I thought I told you…. (Kick him out of window)

Anita: nice job!

Amalie: here here!

(Enter Jack Sparrow)

Jack Sparrow: I protected Elizabeth just like I promised, She's Going to marry the Commodore just like she promised, and your going to die for her just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really, except Elizabeth, who is in fact a woman.

(And then he left leaving amalio on the floor drooling in an epileptic fit)

Anita: right…

Steph: mhmmm

Harry: I must now go and save the world… again!

Artemis: and I!!!

Jasmine, Barda, Holly Short,

Butler, Foaly, Commander 

Julius Root and Hermione: and we must aid them!

(Harry, Artemis, Jasmine, Barda, Holly Short, Butler, Foaly, Commander Julius Root and Hermione all run from the room of randomness to save the world.)

Steph: it's just us again.

Amalie: and Ron and Orli

Anita: and Farry is still in my pocket!

Steph: yeah, well anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm really glad I shared this experience with you guys. You're two of my best friends in the whole world and I couldn't have done it with anyone else.

Amalie: (sobs) that's all right Steph

(everyone just sits in silence just glad to be in each others company until…)

Anita: (lets out a ripper which smell foul and sound like she sharted herself)

Ron: Who the hell?........

Ha! Take that Amalie and shove it up your sticky beak shake fist head nose face! Make it longer my ass! Just because you're a dumbass doesn't mean you're special! BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
